Finding Fulfillment in Dreams Delayed
How do you feel about music? I like to think I'm pretty eclectic, but mostly I listen to 80's tunes and classic rock, and 90's hits always make me feel nostalgic. The other day I was varnishing ceiling tiles in the garage, a time consuming task, and things got a lot funkier when "Stayin' Alive" came on the radio. Wade would have been embarrassed to see his shop misused in such a scandalous way. He hates to see me look ridiculous. But it was fun, and there's no shame in letting loose when no one's watching! On Sunday morning I kept both feet firmly planted on the floor and helped lead worship in church. We are a Baptist church, after all! The other woman who sings with me on our worship team Sundays has a fantastic voice and I just quaver along and let her lead, soaking up the words and the rhythms of the instruments and the joy of it all. I love participating in leading worship and even though, with teaching Sunday School and trying to have company over after church on a regular basis, Sunday can be very busy, I would hate to give up worship - it's so energizing to be a part of and I often think I get more out of worship now that I'm helping up front than I do when I sing in the audience.
Isn't that often the case though? We gain so much through giving, and I try to remember that when I feel most drained. Watching American Idol , I got so frustrated during the auditions by the single moms who would say of their ex, "HE wouldn't let me pursue MY dream."
I think it takes a lot of faith to stick to a dream sometimes. For most of us, parenting is a dream realized, but one that's messy, demanding and complicated, and there's a lot less instant-gratification in it than becoming a famous singer or a travelling artist. When I speak my dreams of travel to my husband, he is usually quick to squash my idea: he is not willing to play house-and-child-caregiver while I roam the globe. I've learned that this is not because he's selfish and uncaring, but that he has an insight into our family's needs that I become blind to when I start dreaming. While the travelling mother lifestyle may work for some, my family benefits in innumerable ways because I am home for them every single day.
I can't speak for those American Idol mommies - maybe they were married to brutes - but I am thankful that for us, marriage and family is a team effort, and while I still cherish dreams that involve passports and plane tickets, I am also so thankful that most of the things I dream of doing, I am doing right now, at home and it's a very, very full life. And maybe if you are like me, flying high in ambition but sitting low surrounded by laundry, that maybe you can find a way to Happy Meal-size that dream. We don't need celebrity to be creatively fulfilled. Sometimes all it takes is fifteen minutes a day with a paintbrush.
I made this pretty card using stamps and paper from Close to My Heart.